Control. Something that I have been struggling with lately. I find that often times our need and want to be in control of whatever comes our way makes things even more chaotic. I am the type of person who doesn’t like spontaneity too much when it comes to things that need concrete answers, but then I realized that life in itself is a big spontaneous journey.
We all have ideas of who we want to become, how we are going to work towards that but realistically, none of us has a concrete indication that shows that what we envision will come to fruition.
Now, I do not mean this in a pessimistic way, but I think we all have heard the saying, “When we plan, God laughs”. Same story here.
Lately I have been in a funk. A funk where I essentially felt like I was slowly losing control of the things that I feel I should have some form of control over. I felt as though things were not moving at the pace, I desired them to be, let alone even coming to fruition itself. I was feeling disappointed in myself and I got distracted with this one event, that I forgot all the other things that could possibly go right from something that has gone wrong. I feel as though often times we are disillusioned by control, because of the idea we uphold thinking that things need to be going according to plan and personal desire, otherwise all is not well. This disillusion has been where my mind has been caught up for quite a while now.
In the midst of all this chaos, I continuously tried to find a way to fix things and essentially get my plans back on course and moving according to how I envisioned it. No matter what I tried to fix things or to distract myself, the disappointment I had in myself just kept growing. At some point I asked myself, “What’s the point of all this?” I continuously asked myself this question, until it got to a point of me choosing to quite literally, let go and let God. This moment obviously came at a time where I was emotionally and mentally tired of trying to regain control of things.
So what’s my point? Don’t get too attached to having a sense of control over all things. If you’re like me and believe in God, accept that His plan is grander than any sense of control you may want to have. If you don’t believe in God, know that control is kind of like a drug. When misused, you’ll find yourself in tough mental and emotional positions. Attempting to have control of all things will place an unnecessary burden on your shoulders. It should be more about direction and less about control.
Love & Light,
Zuba
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