Pressure and comfortability. If there are concepts that this pandemic has brought and keeps bringing to my attention, they have to be pressure and comfortability. When I think about the course of this pandemic, it seems like forever but at the same time it seems like things have moved incredibly fast. Over the course of these past two years, the amount of change I have undergone has topped any other year. Change that showed me how much pressure and comfortability go together and when one is unconscious to this, these two things become the beginning of a downfall.
At the beginning of the pandemic, we were all confused about what was going on and to be honest, some of us are still very confused. As COVID kept looking like it was here for a while, it was time to start thinking about shifting gears. As things progressed, the pressure began. The pressure to be “doing the doing tings” was high. People had these expectations of how we were supposed to come out of this pandemic. Read more. Pick up a skill. Start a business. Quit your job and follow your dreams, and of course you had to have the best beginning because...well, pressure.
Me being me, the pressure got me. I started to become anxious about my plans and becoming increasingly obsessed with trying to tackle this ideal timeline I had in my head. I was always in my head about how I needed to be on top of things, I needed to be tackling my checklist; I needed to be “doin’ the doing tings”. It was only a matter of time until I was hit with the worst burn out. The burn out was crippling. I had writer’s block, I felt disconnected from the things that brought me joy, I felt disconnected from people and at some point my overall self. My solution to this? Comfortability.
I started going back to habits that put me in a box and essentially block myself from the reality that I need to face. I was putting myself in a place where if anything bothered me, we’re going to throw it in the little room at the back of my mind. Lock it, move on and put a band-aid solution on that. Sometimes that meant splurging on myself or just doing shallow things to distract me. I was getting too comfortable with ignoring my feelings and just going with the vibes. This too wasn’t going to last long and it really didn’t. In no time, I was back to having my depressive episodes, feeling like I am behind on all things, but worst of all, feeling completely disconnected from who I am and who I am working to be.
The pressure overworked me, the comfortability disconnected me. I started to understand why the comfort zone is really an enemy of progress. I had grown accustomed to putting myself second and putting the pressure of everyone and everything on the outside, first. Sitting with yourself and telling yourselves harsh truths like this can be a grueling process. It can shake you up, make you angry, bitter, hurt but in the end it steers you back on the path you need to be on. If you have known me for a while, you can notice and see the change in the way I interact and the way I express myself. I left the comfortability to truly face the fact that the only pressure I needed was from myself. It had to all be done at my pace.
So I say this to say what? First, the only pressure you need to be applying is your own. Work at your own pace because you only have control over your life’s pace, not the world. Second, if you are too comfortable, you’re not growing. Step out of the box you have built around you, the view is so much better from outside of it. Lastly and most importantly, be real with yourself. Have those harsh conversations with yourself, you are your biggest fan but you can also be your biggest hindrance.
Love & Light,
Zuba.
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