Anyone who complains about your boundaries, precisely why they are in place. Read that again.
If you have the heart of an empath and the mind of an over-thinker, then you may have grappled with the discipline of upholding your boundaries. For me, this struggle stemmed from the fear of pushing people away or causing discomfort, without realizing the toll it took on my peace of mind.
In 2019, I took the bold step of starting therapy. This decision plunged me into a season of self-questioning and the quest to find a tribe that genuinely supported me. Little did I know, therapy would push me to adopt an observer role in my own life and essentially balance my mental books. It became abundantly clear how a lack of boundaries can allow leeches into your life — those who thrive on your love and energy, without reciprocating.
Embracing the observer role allowed me to recognize that I often prioritized building relationships, without simultaneously establishing boundaries. However, I came to understand that these processes should go hand-in-hand. By setting this precedent, I unwittingly became a captive of standards and spaces that didn’t necessarily align with my values, all in the pursuit of fostering connections.
The truth is, healthy relationships thrive on clearly defined boundaries. They don’t require you to blur lines or sacrifice your own needs out of loyalty or love. When you say “yes” to everything, you’re inevitably saying “no” to something else that is equally important to you.
So I say this, to say what:
Your boundaries need you, to show up for YOU For boundaries to be effective, it all begins with showing up for yourself and getting to know yourself intimately. You can never truly understand what you need until you spend meaningful time with yourself.
Relationships are built on healthy boundaries — not the other way around Whether it’s with platonic friends, romantic partners, or family members, a healthy relationship is one where both parties respect each other’s boundaries, and feel safe expressing their needs and desires. Boundaries are fundamental to creating a safe space within any relationship.
Always remind yourself that saying “yes” to everything, may come at the cost of saying “no” to the things that are essential for your well-being. There is no one who needs you more than YOU; you are the common denominator in all aspects of your life and if you aren’t doing well, all other pieces fall apart.
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