Who hurt you? Stop, take a second, think about who and what has hurt you. Have you truly learned to let that go? One of the hardest things to do in life is rebuild your mentality and moreover dealing with past traumas. This past semester, I dealt with a lot of anxiety and panic attacks. I would wake up in the middle of the night with an immense surge of hurt welling up inside my heart. I would try to suppress these feelings but all that did was make me cry even harder. When i asked myself why I was not doing well, I could not pinpoint what was causing the anger, anxiety, and the tears.
I have never been good at opening up about what I go through. I am the type of person who will undergo something and only open up about it when it has passed. This time, I decided to reach out to my older sister who is like my voice of reason. I opened up about how I felt so disconnected from my life and how down out I had been feeling. My sister advised me to think about therapy and talking to someone about how I deal or cope with different things in my life. I thought about this, and at first I was hesitant. I used to carry this mentality that I shouldn’t burden people with my issues, so therapy was going to be a stretch for me. But I accepted the stretch, and scheduled my first appointment.
Three sessions later, I can say that every second of it was worth it. There are so many different things I saw about myself, by talking about myself. I tapped into different emotions, experiences and feelings. This whole experience has taught me that there are traumas that I still carry subconsciously and I did not realize that I was inflicting the pain on myself by not letting go. I had to start being more active in the process of letting things go. In this same process, I had to think about what I can control and what I cannot control. This got me thinking about how I process things, and how i expend my energy. It then hit me that I had become a second class citizen in my own life.
I have become so good at caring for others in need, give out advice, or just be that involved friend. Now, this is not a bad thing because I am indeed that friend who is ride or die, but with all this, I had forgotten to take care of me. When it came to me and when I needed the energy to deal with myself, I would brush things under the rug and move on swiftly. I was not giving myself the importance that I gave other people, or other things I was committed to. It was time that I made myself a priority. I started taking the time to reflect on different experiences and how I had either brushed it under the rug or actually dealt with it.
Friends, the end of the year is coming; the end of the decade is fast approaching. It is time that you declutter your mental space, and actually process all your hurt and anger. If like me you’ve been suppressing your emotions and not processing your experiences, it is high time you take of yourself. YOU OWE THIS TO YOURSELF! Declutter your mental space, be active in your healing and growth, and put yourself first. Always and all ways.
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