There’s independence, then there is “independence.” Allow me to explain...
One of the biggest scams that you can buy into is, “I can do it all by myself”. I hate to burst your bubble and my own, while I am at it, but you can truly never do it by yourself. For the longest time, I firmly believed that once I get to a space where I am fully independent, then I will be happier. In my head, independence meant fully relying on myself with little to no help from others, and essentially isolating myself from that which was not part of my plans, goals, or ambitions.
I felt that by being independent, I would tap into deeper levels of self-reliance. This false sense of independence made me feel as though asking for help was the toughest chore. This is “independence.”
For many of us, we often don’t realize how skewed our idea of independence is. Our experiences, history and trauma have a great deal to do with this (but around these parts, we don’t use trauma as a crutch). My idea of community was changed because I attributed community to fixed energy around me and not the community that I intentionally chose for myself. My idea of independence came as a trauma response to not wanting to be placed in a space where I am reliant on energy that doesn’t resonate with me.
In shifting this mindset, I had to be intentional about adapting my definition of community and independence. Independence in its true meaning is the power and ability to care for self in various ways , in no way does independence seep into how much one seeks help or community. Like the African proverb says, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.”
Learning the power of balancing self and community, is one that will undo mounds of trauma that have often pushed you away from asking for help, or leaning on the clean energy that has been placed around you. Be intentional about the community you have and be intentional about ensuring that your self-reliance and independence don’t cloud your ability to see the need for your community, your tribe and your people.
Here’s to maintaining communities that uplift us & celebrate our sense of independence.
Love & Light Zuba
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