One of the most intriguing aspects of the healing journey that no one prepares you for, is the phase whereby your actions and behaviors do not make sense anymore. It’s a peculiar intersection of feeling like you’ve been utterly irrational while simultaneously recognizing the extent to which you’ve neglected yourself. This point of no return is essentially your mind signaling a change in your brain chemistry, a transformation that renders your former norms unacceptable.
Over the past few months, I found myself uncomfortable. It was a discomfort that encompassed so much of my life, particularly when looking at my relationships. I constantly found myself questioning the choices I had made and energy I had invested into certain people. “Why,” I’d ask myself repeatedly, “did I feel compelled to choose this person or expend so much of my energy on them?” It was a tangle of “why's” that consumed my thoughts.
One of the aspects of my healing journey that I have had to pay close attention to, is the people-pleasing aspect. For most of my life, I lived for external validation and always felt the need to push my own boundaries for the comfort of others. When I began to rewrite this narrative, I encountered a considerable amount of dissatisfaction. Many people were accustomed to a dynamic where they could take from me, without the expectation of reciprocity. It was then that I learned that the people who react negatively to your boundaries are the precise reason as to why you need them in the first place.
I realized that the reason why I had hit this point of no return in my relationships, is because I was no longer settling for being the giver. It no longer made sense to be in a space where there was no reciprocity. When you begin healing different parts of you, you heal your approach to relationships and especially those you pour your energy into. When you become aware of this, you take a step back and quickly realize where your energy may be going into waste.
So I say this to say what:
When you’re in the process of healing, certain aspects of your former self will no longer align with your newfound clarity, especially in how you allocate your energy to others. Be kind to yourself; you didn’t know better before, but now you’ve gained wisdom
As you shift your mindset, your relationships will shift as well. Those who are/were leeches will feel discomforted by your fearless protection of your energy and sanity, those who are meant to be there will keep you accountable to upholding your safe space.
As you heal, you outgrow. Do not feel bad for outgrowing certain people and spaces, it only means you are evolving.
Love and Light,
Zuba
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