I have a deep passion for mental health. I am passionate about seeing people become more aware of their mental space and how to keep it sharp and evolving. My deep passion for mental health has stemmed from my experience with mental health and how my view on it has evolved, and most importantly how this evolution has led me to be aware of how I treat myself and my mental space. This past week was Suicide Prevention Week (if you do not know when it was, it was September 6th – 12th) and this week always holds a certain esteem in my life, because I know what it feels like to come to the dark times of contemplating suicide.
When I speak on my mental health, people tend to be shocked about the person I am versus the experiences I had. In the beginning this used to bother me because I would always wonder what people think depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts look like. As I have continued to grow from my own narrative, I have slowly become more comfortable with this assumption because this gave me the opportunity to show people that mental health takes many faces, and some of them are the happiest faces that we find around us. I for example would be a good example of this.
I started experiencing suicidal thoughts when I was younger in my pre-teen years, and this was around the time that I had higher spikes of depressive episodes. In the midst of this I was still a fully functional person, whose mental space could not have been tied to someone who was experiencing inner turmoil. I had mastered the art of my façade of being this happy-go-lucky child who is outgoing and with time this façade caught up to me. During the time that I was fighting my inner demons I kept guilt tripping myself into not doing it, because I would always think to myself “I am going to hurt everyone I love and care about.” Although this was part of the saving grace of keeping me alive, I look back now and sympathize with people who constantly have to hear that they should not do it because of everyone that they are leaving behind and the pain they will be placing on people.
I want to encourage everyone and sincerely urge people to stop this narrative. While I understand that we want our loved ones to be happy and to live for those happy moments, it is incredibly selfish to expect someone to place the need of an other before themselves. It does break hearts, relationships, families etc. but you would rather an angel gone than a vessel of pain and brokenness living for the sake of the other. If you find yourself in this place, I am a safe place if you need to offload and express your hurt. I know how it feels to walk alone in a journey like that and I want to be the light for someone. If you feel you are coming to the end of your journey, find love within yourself first and act out of love toward yourself even in times when you feel you do not have the love in you. Fight your good fight for you and not for anyone else.
Deeply wishing healing, love and light to all going through it right now.
I see you, I feel for you and I am here for you.
Love and Light,
Zuba.
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